Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, & Al Franken Have A Picnic
Contributed by Brenda

The Democrats are throwing America a huge picnic, folks, and for once, conservative, non-liberals are the guests of honor.  Whoopee, you say?  Fair reaction.   What’s on the menu?  Fair question.

On the menu will be pork, pork, and more pork.  You will dine on so much pork – to the tune of more than $830 billion worth of the stuff – that you will think you have died and gone to pig heaven.  Why, the Demorats love you so much, they have been in a secret meeting - they were the only ones invited and who had to slave over the menu – to increase your dining pleasure by another $70 billion! 

Your fingers will get slick with the grease of such delicacies as:

• Floridian Henrietta Hughes’ rescue and millions of others just like her.   Who can resist such appeteasers as “I have an urgent need… We need a home, our own kitchen, our own bathroom…” and watching the picnic king – Obama himself – hug her and promise to help her and everyone else like her

• Chowing down on $100 billion of green stimulus ribs – eating this delicacy will ensure you create no real new jobs until around, oh, 2014… long after Obama and his henchmen are history’s latest shame and the recession is over.  Want to know what’s in the sauce used to cook this pork?  No one really knows because none of it has been invented yet, but when they do, they will think about telling you.  Just eat up…

• Like your pork cooked by electricity instead of charcoal?  No problem!  There will be $32 billion worth of electric grid overhaul ribs just waiting for you to ooh and ahh over.  What?  The process for cooking these ribs hasn’t even been considered, tested, or proven possible?  Not to worry.  Hold onto that hunger, there, my friend… sometime around, 2014 you will be served

• Need an appetizer before the main course?  Not a problem, fellow picnicker.   Nibble on the $30 billion National Park and Roadside Beautification hors doeuvres.  Noshing on this tempting pork will help you see beauty in all you survey, even calm you down during rush hour traffic; what a culinary masterpiece!

• None of this menu appeals to your more sensitive stomach?  There will be pork dessert, too!  How about a scoop of $350 million for military base childcare, a slice of the $335 million to prevent STDs, a serving of the $500 million to rescue the liberal news industry, or a sliver of the $200 million birth control funding cake?

Then, there will be games.  Sadly, there is no money left over for prizes after you glut yourself on all the pork, but if you come to the picnic, you will be expected to play.  Anyone not a) coming to the party and b) playing will be escorted to a different fun-filled event; let’s just call it reorientation camp for now, shall we? 

Let’s look at some of the festivities scheduled for the Pork Picnic, hmmm?

• You will enter a 3-legged sack race with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Al Franken, and other Demorats.  No fair punching, gouging, or tripping your partner, either.  The winners and runners-up will race Obama and his other half.  The final winner will wear the national crown for the rest of the day.  If, however, the winners are not the Obama’s, the crown will be made only of tinfoil and must be returned as you leave the picnic.  Wouldn’t want any confusion about who is really king, now, would we?

• Then there’s the egg toss.  All you conservatives will have a specially engineered, thin shell egg.  You toss it to your partner (conservative or liberal, you get to choose in this frolic) and they must catch it with a teaspoon.  Of course, all deliberate attempts at hitting your partner’s head with the egg will result in a forced return to the table where you will be watched while you eat more… you guessed it … pork.

• Finally, the blackmail game will crown the physical activity for the day.  You will be asked what you think of this pork fest.  If you answer honestly, and tell your liberal interviewing partner that you believe it will destroy this country and cannot possibly renew it, you will get to be placed on the coveted blackmail list.  Your position on this list will be determined by how many other brave fools are at the picnic and willing to tell the truth.  This is the only game with a prize to everyone on the coveted list; you will be blackmailed into eating more pork every year until you die of malnutrition.

So, don’t you love the picnic?  What?  Have a slimy taste in your mouth from all the dripping grease?  Well, here’s some Kool-aid; that acidic burn you feel going down your throat is to be expected and nothing to worry about.  The acid cuts the slime.  Your tummy hurts?  Here’s a pacifier for you, poor thing; it will hold you over until the pain stops.  Sweet dreams.

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